Navigating through my emotions in extremes and understanding from the polar ends of the scale has only either gave me too much or of lacking. As if to only fully experience something is to only choose from the perspective of abundance or scarcity. That living in the moment is to understand each strand of evolution, entanglement, biology, art, and expression all at once and dissect it as if all these matter like life and death. Why, despite knowing and becoming, is it so difficult for myself to live in neutrality.

If there’s anything I have learned from all the meditation classes and books I’ve read, is that every decision that will lead us to our highest path is a decision (and action) based on love, not fear. Yet, when you have intellectualized these lessons for a time, applying it in actual relationships can become challenging, if not uncomfortable. And what seems depression and anxiety to me is plainly just self work undone.

Outside the emptiness, self work was handy, allowing myself to only take in what the body could accommodate. Yet I can’t stay within the familiar path, even if it means facing the hard truths, letting go of limiting beliefs, and unlearning toxic habits.

To commit to myself is to stay in alignment. To commit to myself is to listen to my body.