I have lived so many lives.
Pictured so many different futures for myself.

I have been the victim.
I have been the villain.
I have burned every past version of myself.

My current version is the only life I want to live.
The life where love comes naturally.
The life where I chose safety and comfort with no regrets.
The life where I try and try and try.

The problem is I can’t burn the old versions that live inside my head.
Almost every single night I dream.
Each dream has the same message.
One where I am with an old version of myself.
One where I do life differently.
One where I keep seeing him. Or him. Or him.

But I’m angry.
It’s not fair that my old versions can live freely in my dreams.
With no remorse.
With no consequences.

It’s as if my dreams visit as a daily reminder that I will never escape my past.

I have grown so accustomed to these dreams, I wake up every morning saying “hello old friend”.

Knowing this is my penance.