Day after day I find my mind drifting back to you. To imagined conversations that we would never have outside of my mind. The kind of conversations where I pour my anger out into the open. Where I inflict pain to regain balance in the situation. Where I make you feel like **** for treating me like ****. Where I make you give one ounce of emotion…more than you ever gave me willingly.
In my mind I had told you that I hated you. That I wish the same pain on you that you had carelessly inflicted on me. That YOU were the one that was bad for ME, yet I am the best thing that will ever happen to you and it's a **** shame that you won't realize it until it's too late.
I would make you aware of all the nights I stayed up crying over you. Of all the sacrifices I made and the lies I told just for this to work. I would point out the three scars that serve as proof of this terrible pain.
I had imagined all of these interactions. Planned out every scenario yet I know how it would really play out.
I would look into those hollow blue eyes where the interest had faded. I would search desperately for the boy I once knew. I know he's somewhere in there. And I would tell you that I still love you. And nothing would ever change that.