only sometimes i find myself still punishing the same ill feeling, creeping up my back and around my spine. this is the kind of hindsight that sits on my shoulder and watches me breathe. how else do i get rid of my headache? i have been something of a promised wish, a shallow pool of sin in the very center of my body. and it feels like i'm buried alive, like there's thick mud clogging my throat, like i'm suffocating from some other sickness. what cannot fool me is what breaks me the most... what strikes me the hardest comes from far, far away.