Every Friday night I cry myself a river
As I lay and reassess my life
the weeks I work on end
the fears I have to face
The weight on my shoulders , bearing me down
and no way
no way
to relieve my pain

Mamma doesn't get it
she thinks you can shout at your heart
"Stop loving, Stop loving !!! JUST STOP!!"
but you can't ...
I can't do this anymore

Every day I walk past the pills and blades and potential nooses
every day I banish my dark thoughts, with promises of a better future
but there is just no such thing
I am not a kid anymore
I doubt I ever was
I'm just one of her dolls

wait till my heart stops beating
wait till the life is out of my eyes...
dear mom
maybe then you'll love me
maybe then
when my Friday night tears are frozen
on my porcelain cheeks
forever