you don't remember how you looked at me when i reminded you of why i have '17' tattooed on myself
"because you almost killed yourself?"
almost like you found it childish
you don't know how i bashed my knuckles into walls over and over
how i slammed my head against blunt objects and relished in the pain
how i screamed out in pure rage and agony until my voice went hoarse
how often i would cut myself
how i would only cry when i was sure no one else could hear
how i would get as far as dumping out the medicine on the table before breaking down on the floor
i was able to stop myself after 4 pills
thank god i was able to stop myself
it's a permanent reminder of how i was at my rock bottom
it's a permanent reminder that i'll never get that bad again
my life was never a joke
it never will be
i want to be alive again