I had heart surgery when I was 38, OK
I was actually 37 but somehow 38 sounds better
As if those few extra months arent walking me to my demise
I didnt expect to live past 20 so I've been on borrowed time
For the last 10 years I've been an alcoholic
Misanthropic, and full of vitriol
Sometimes you made me laugh but I get why you dont call
Some days I can forget you, sometimes I cant at all
Its been two years since you ghosted and somedays I still wake up and wonder why
Then I look in the mirror and I know that you were right
For all the pain and how much I bury the dark
You saw right through me and knew that I was lost
And things arent good now but they're getting better
I keep searching for a new you and a way to be put together
You were the glue that stuck the little pieces
Im a ******* humpty dumpty and all the kingsmen cannot retrieve me
So I keep moving forward because I dont know what else to do
I have sleepless nights soaked in sweat and I'm askew
Its hard to go to work buried in anxiety and depression
If I believed in god I'd be asking what's the lesson
6 more years until I return to the last place I was happy
I hope somebody wants to join that adventure
I spend too much time in my feels and know I'm sappy
I'm too pragmatic and know I'm a bad investment
Im a middle aged angry alcoholic
I stay up late hoping somebody will call
But I wont answer my phone, I dont deserve to feel alright
I've stolen hours from too many others and I am on borrowed time