I was supposed to be a writer who wrote about the things she experienced, the things that happened to me. but I never wrote about how we only ever kissed goodbye if we fucked, I assumed a reward for passing it back and forth, any other time it was only a side hug and a wink. maybe you only gave me the honor of a goodbye kiss because you thought it’d make you a bitch to not (which it would) but you were a bitch either way because you told me, an inch and a half taller than you and at this time at least a few lbs heavier (not anymore, I got a gym membership) that when dating girls you only liked ones you could pick up. look how light I am now! you winked from the side and I walked out to my car that decided not to start again (she hated you) and I didn’t believe I could ask you to jump it even though I had just been inside you inside me then inside you again, so I called an Uber and tried again the next day and she started just fine, because you weren’t home. the first time we ever hung out she got her windows smashed outside the bar, nothing taken, $1066.39 later my ‘91 Volvo had four replacement windows, third time we hung out she didn’t start, new battery and alternator $1856.10, fifth or sixth or seventh time I was one of 4 drooling bitches at one of your dumb ass shows, I believed I was different though because I wasn’t just one of your bitches, I was your friend, too. or first. bullshit. this night I was only your friend because you went home with the number 1 bitch instead of me, the number 4, so I drove myself to the next spot that I attended as well because again, I was also your friend, but more so I was your friends friend and they told me to go, but I popped my tire on the way. $88.96 the next hungover morning at pepboys, thank god. I ditched my car and called a car there because I could not miss anything that even resembled an opportunity. you made a comment about how loud I was in bed this night, in front of everyone, which wasn't even particularly true but I loved it nonetheless because now I was real! it was real! I was so naive. sex is just sex, anyone can have it, you never took me seriously. the bar closed and you left with a girl, 5’2” and 110 lbs soaking wet,
I watched as you opened your truck door for her, picked her up and put her inside.