Sifting through all the fractured metaphor from the lost and lonely boy I was before I find the train, no longer a silver snake moving like desire across rails on tree dotted mountain ranges, but abandoned and disused. It is hulking, still. As imposing as it ever was but it is also suddenly made of fragile rusted parts that look so solid from a distance but flake to shale like dust at even the gentlest of touches. It is not smoking, though there is clear evidence of fire, but even the most persistent embers burned out and down and away a long, long time ago. No, it does not smoke or burn it merely festers. Growing outward in decay even while it shrinks inward from structural damage. It is no longer a machine built for cool, honest purpose it has become a wreck. Still, if you find ways to explore the innards of the wreck you'll find bird's nests, foxholes, **** from animals big and small, bird song and flowers and wild grass growing up throughout the twisted metal hull of the wreck. The engineer's compartment with it's no longer working shifters and radios is overcome by flowering vines and the sweet, damp heaviness the forest has under a canopy of dark green leaves. Moved from what it was assumed was to be a life's work and robbed of the purpose behind every one of the many design choices it does not sit, not exactly, it seems to lay into the countryside as if it shrugged before embracing the gentle ***** of a lover's chest. It is desolate in this place, The wreck, but it is somehow still very much alive. I hope there is meaning in the discovery, but have grow tired from reading between every single ******* line I'm not yet dead, my love, but I've begun to wither on the vine.