i am wanting to be done again and i cannot help but think of the time when i thought i really was
when i said i really was
when seven hours later i wimped out, alone on the bathroom floor, and nobody had said anything back
i think about when i try to tell someone how i feel and end up feeling worse
because sad is not as bad as
sad and alone and worried and obnoxious
or sad and tired and confused and conflicted
or sad and alone at two am crying again
or sad and alone at three with no more tears
only heaving sobs silent in the night because the last time i cried out loud my parents got mad
and their yells fill the hole in my heart that he left
because i can't live with or without him and watching him not need me fills my heart with a pain i never imagined i would feel
and now everyone can see that she is stealing him away not because she wants him but because she loves the thrill of the chase but she cannot see it herself and so it will not stop
i cried about him today and nobody was sympathetic because they are tired of watching me cry
if only they knew how tired i am
of crying