There is a vast open space somewhere out there
and there is one in me.

It is not sadness, it is not emptiness, anger— ****.

I can't seem to define it.

The harder I try to describe the shape of this mold
I am holding, nobody's asking.

Therefore, everything accumulated, everything I've learned
and come to know has been totally obsolete.

Hope is scarce.
Daydreaming is dangerous.
Carelessness is expensive and God knows
he couldn't care less about what has become
of everybody.

At 31 to this present day I know for a fact that
there's nothing more I can add or contribute
to the world but to consume.

I got so depressed,
so fed up with everything one time
at work that I let that *******
client know that I wanted to **** myself
because I was so sick of everything;
not that it had something to do with what he was
complaining about but I couldn't process it anymore
at the time.

The next day, my manager received a lengthy
email and the police (Dubai) went to our office
to investigate the incident.

I got called to step outside with them and was told
that I am now considered as a criminal and a threat because
it is illegal to want to "unalive" yourself, yes that's the new term.

They were doing good cop, bad cop.

One says, "in this country it is not allowed this, not allowed that.."

The other went ,"go do it back in your country."

I wasn't sure which one was good and bad, I didn't bother
but they were useful as they helped **** time at work
especially it was the busy hours when they came.

Then they let me go back to work after filling up some forms
and having me sign some papers.