No words follow your visage.
I think of you
And my mind materializes your face,
Your shoulders,
Your hands.
I see your blue eyes
Clear as a stream,
Your wispy blonde hair
Balled up in my fist,
Your jagged nose bumping mine.
My heart jumps,
I hear your slow laugh.
I smirk,
Watching you turn away,
Looking up to the side,
Your hands deep in your pockets.
You are every sensation
As stark as memory allows,
With no definition,
No rhetorical root,
So I struggle to write about you.
You don’t say much
So it follows
That my mind has not assigned a vocabulary
For mourning you,
Though I continue to.
The regret resounds
And I’m at no loss
For names to call myself,
Knowing that I held you
And let misguided indecision
Let you go.
If I could take it all back,
Un-drink all that wine,
Un-cry all your tears,
Go back in time and tell you I love you
The second I thought to,
Maybe you might still love me too.
But the damage is done,
Our bodies untangled,
The pills have all been swallowed,
And you’d rather
I just give up.
So I will lie in the mess I’ve made,
Drenching myself in the blood,
The drinks I have spilled.
Soaking up the guilt,
Absorbing the hurt I let spew.
I will grapple with wordlessness,
Yearning to poeticize my longing.
But I will get what I deserve,
Silence and prosaic grief.
Only images remain,
Flashes of your face.
Tactile memories come in pieces
And I hear your exasperation
In short breaths.
This is what I have left of you
And with this
I must make do.