I stopped losing my hair and I started waking up again
I returned to a mundane routine
In a similar place with similar people
I found reprieve in the love that was given to me daily
And I stopped feeling sorry for myself
I started pouring my soul into my career
Because people need me
People count on me
I have a dog now and I pay all my bills
I smile at the sun and breathe in the air that is so
Graciously given to me everyday
I clean up when there is a mess and I check in on my father
I make sure my appearance is presentable and I take care of my body
I love my friends and I keep up with phone calls
I thank when there is thankfulness to be given and I am humble
When achievements are made
I hold on to memories and I cherish the good ones
I bask in nostalgia and I stare at the sunset
I look up at the birds and I appreciate their songs
I thank them for waking me up and silencing when I am sleeping

I take care of myself and I -

Cry when I am alone
I try to keep up when I am behind I-
Struggle to find my purpose, and I actually don’t really sleep
I return to my mundane routine because
People need me?
And in the back of my mind I know that I am easily replaced
My career is advancing in a way to attempt to succeed
In a world that is so disappointed in less than ordinary
I clean up when my mind is so distressed from the weeks of mess that
I so solemnly swore would never appear again when I was in crisis
I’m presentable but it was from the night before
I “bare minimumed” the expectation
Which surprises me when it is so deceiving to others
I have three maybe four good friends that check in
I give what others would expect
I pay when I can, and I keep my workouts at a point where I don’t choke on my own sadness, maybe even selfishness
Nostalgia is interpreted as pain these days
I self medicate to wake up for others
And call it a day.

I hold onto to memories that haunt me
The birds make me jealous
And sunsets only remind me that a new day will start.

And I am tired.