the rainy air felt cold against my cheeks
i was shaking so bad
when i lit my cigarette at first, i tried to sit on my bed and just leave my window open to the screen,
but the smoke greeted me in my room and hung around
so i opened the full window, and leaned all the way out
"**** it" i said, i sat on the sill and just let myself enjoy it
enjoy this last half of a cigarette, i had just gotten a pack on thursday
it was sunday they were all gone
i stuck my feet out and let the drizzle send goosebumps up my to my shoulders and a shiver to my toes
i couldn't tell what was smoke and what was my breath, but i kind of liked it
i pretended my hits were much bigger than they really were
the smoke got caught under my bangs and stung my eyes,
then i just let myself cry for a little bit.
eventually, long after i finished my smoke, i willed myself to climb back inside, febreeze my room to all hell, set out a cup of vinegar, and go to sleep.