They say we accept the love that we think we deserve,
Maybe that's why I don't let anyone in,
Too focused on my suffering,
I despise myself,
Deep down inside,
There's just so much hate,
I hate that my mind is so weak,
Too weak to go after the happiness I seek,
I know what I need to tweak,
So awfully self aware,
Yet I wouldn't dare,
Go against the grain,
And maybe act a little sane,
Even just for a minute,
I'm too deep in it,
My brain,
Forever wrapped up,
Ready to combust,
Only giving me the keys to darkness and lust,
No wonder I find it so hard to trust,
I'm a danger to myself,
I'm the one holding me back,
But even though I state these facts,
I still have a hard time making it past the first drafts,
You see,
I seek refuge in the darkest corners of my mind,
So frightened of what I may find,
On the other side,
What would happen if I tried,
Would I find they lied.
You can do anything if you put your mind to it,
That's what they say,
And I really wish I could think that way,
But my mind holds me captive,
As soon as I'm on the brink, I step back,
Scared that I might sink,
Making me ponder,
What if they made me stronger,
Held me a little longer,
Told me I could do anything,
Maybe I would have conquered.
These fears,
Maybe these pages wouldn't be drenched with tears,
Maybe I'd be successful,
Hanging out with the "we love life" team,
Maybe everything would be exactly how it seems,
But I guess for now, that's just a delusional dream.