I don’t know.
I thought I deserved it.
The first time, I felt the fear.
I felt his presence.
I felt the fear of him.
I chased that feeling.
I wanted that fear.
She shouldn’t be the only one to live that.
The thing is, I’ve loved it.
That fear is installed in me.
That’s why when he was on top of me, I laid there and cried silently.
Just looked at my wrist.
Afterwards, I freaked out.
I wanted him away.
But, I had awoken something in me.
I could always feel him distantly.
Now, he was really with me.
I could feel his hand on me.
I had a built a bridge.
I could cross it anytime.
Instead of being happy with that, I wanted contact all the time.
Sometimes when I crossed that bridge, there was just darkness.
I wanted light always.
Except, I would always find darkness.
No matter how much I “knew”.
I always knew.
It would make me sick.