I can finally say that I’m happy with the life that I’ve built for myself

I can finally see a future that doesn’t scare the **** out of me

One that I would be happy with

But that doesn’t stop myself from thinking
And dreaming
And wondering

And knowing
That things could be different

It was easier thinking you hated me
Thinking that the ivy you planted in me was rotten from the ground up
Turning each leaf brown as time passed

But I forgot that ivy is resilient
It doesn’t take much for it’s leaves to grow back

With each leaf that grows inside of me I have to remind myself of why I must not tend to it

Why I must ignore the ivy

Because I did not care for my plant years ago
Because I am bound to **** it again, eventually
Because maybe if I pretend it’s not there, it’ll grow in an environment more deserving


Because I can not stop staring at the dead leaves on the ground serving as my daily reminder that I am the cause of that