Nov 2023
at 28, Bunda had me. Today, I'm turning 28, the same age Bunda gave birth to her first child. And....what am I doing with my life right now? Am I wasting all the potential? Did I dodge the bullet or just lose the love of my life (and probably will never get the chance to experience pure love anymore?) Did the best is yet to come?
As 28 slowly approached, I got the chance to look back and reflect on those particular moments.
At 21, I traveled to NYC and DC to represent Indonesia youths. Graduated at 23, landed two jobs for the next 5 years in the government sector. Navigate my clueless self on how this nation operated. Get the chance to explore all of the Indonesia regions, the wide blue skies, from cities to rural to forests to oceans and mountains. Get to participate first-hand in several policy-making processes. Throw some successful projects. Get to meet new and kind-hearted souls along the way. Learn and re-learn everything all at once. Maintaining friendships for almost 10-20 years, where sometimes they had to witness my anti-social phase (but they understood anyway). Found some new experiences and hobbies that (turns out) I love dearly, with some tiny bruises.
The former boyfriends and their declined proposals, because I have different dreams and they didn't want one of my dreams. A declined scholarship interview because of a break-up a week before. Rented an apartment at 25 for 3 years, and got to know myself more. Got to forgive my parents while being away from home, because they did the best they could on the best choices faith had offered. 3 failed relationships wrecked my trust in love and full of self-sabotage. Then came that one relationship that felt so safe and peaceful, the kind of love that I needed, but we couldn't go further.
All of those episodes of letting go, have a pause and begin again. With the twist of comedies and romances here and there.
There are things that I don't understand for sure, and those "what ifs" and questions are not meant to be answered right now. Possibly in the near future, or probably it would be a mystery my whole life.
I won't mind. And I am ready. Courage, dear heart.
As 28 slowly approached, I got the chance to look back and reflect on those particular moments.
At 21, I traveled to NYC and DC to represent Indonesia youths. Graduated at 23, landed two jobs for the next 5 years in the government sector. Navigate my clueless self on how this nation operated. Get the chance to explore all of the Indonesia regions, the wide blue skies, from cities to rural to forests to oceans and mountains. Get to participate first-hand in several policy-making processes. Throw some successful projects. Get to meet new and kind-hearted souls along the way. Learn and re-learn everything all at once. Maintaining friendships for almost 10-20 years, where sometimes they had to witness my anti-social phase (but they understood anyway). Found some new experiences and hobbies that (turns out) I love dearly, with some tiny bruises.
The former boyfriends and their declined proposals, because I have different dreams and they didn't want one of my dreams. A declined scholarship interview because of a break-up a week before. Rented an apartment at 25 for 3 years, and got to know myself more. Got to forgive my parents while being away from home, because they did the best they could on the best choices faith had offered. 3 failed relationships wrecked my trust in love and full of self-sabotage. Then came that one relationship that felt so safe and peaceful, the kind of love that I needed, but we couldn't go further.
All of those episodes of letting go, have a pause and begin again. With the twist of comedies and romances here and there.
There are things that I don't understand for sure, and those "what ifs" and questions are not meant to be answered right now. Possibly in the near future, or probably it would be a mystery my whole life.
I won't mind. And I am ready. Courage, dear heart.
