Weak -- I called myself.
Breathing and walking, but I cant feel any energy of mine.
Am I...even moving?
I cant even help myself.
I keep saying "it's okay, let's try again, shall we?"
I..am too gentle to myself.
Somehow, people like that side of me.
Too gentle, too soft.

And people starts to waste me.
Hurt me. Smash me, **** me. Slowly
With their words, with their stare.
In silent, but with meaning.
Meaning--
hate, hate, hate you and more.

I knew, I know,
but I didnt say anything. Not because Im scared.
But because Im tired. I cant shut each of their mouth.
I cant please everyone.
I know I cant.
Because Im too gentle. Too soft.
I rarely talk.
Worst than ever, I cant express any of my feelings.
People will judge me
They'll say
Poor little girl, you're pathetic. Such an attention seeker
They said that.
I heard them. Even when they're not talking.
I can see it, in their eyes. Even if they didnt tell me what did they thought about me.

But still, I didnt speak.
I say "it's okay, let's try again, shall we?"

*(Ai, Oct 3)