you said good morning
& smiled that butterfly-inducing smile
knowing you would break my heart
just hours later...

you approached my car that night
knowing you would break my heart
just minutes later...

you embraced me into your big arms
& squeezed tightly
even though you knew you'd let me go
just moments from then...

you stood there with a sad glaze in your eyes,
an agenda & dressed in your best funeral suit...
skinny jeans & a denim jacket, i can still see it...

did you know all along that you would eventually
not want me?
don't say i didn't warn you...

you made a fool out of me as i stood there in front of you,
heart full of hope, eyes full of light & hands holding
a birthday cake i baked just for you...
but little did i know it wouldn't be eaten
at a birthday party, but rather for my funeral

you walked me around the mall
christmas lights & the stars twinkling
all around us like magic...
i was such a fool to think you'd choose me...
i kept my right hand unoccupied & fallen to my side
in case you wanted to hold it again...
but you never did...hands in your pocket
& handing me back the photo of us in the little golden locket...

i know you didn't want to, i know you didn't mean
for your words to take the light right out of my eyes
but you took my heart out of my chest, showed it to me
& crushed it in front of everyone walking past us in a blur...
it fell to the ground & the shattered pieces scattered across the cobblestone pavement beneath your winter boots

i fell to the ground with tears
turning my brown eyes into kaleidoscopes of despair...
the world spun as i struggled to find the words to get you to
stay stay stay . . .

instead to trying at all, all i could say was "that's okay..."
but you knew it wasn't...you knew it wasn't.
you knew i wanted us to work but you couldn't just leave the
knife in, you had to twist it too...

i told you i was so happy with you...but all you could say was, "i'm sorry i have to be the one to take that happiness away"...but i hoped you'd one day return it to me only to realize it was always mine to have but never mine to keep...

i watched as you got back into your car
with your cake in your hands
dressed in your best funeral suit,
smiling as i told you "i'll be okay"

i sat & watched as your car got smaller in the distance
as you drove home like you just ran an errand...

skinny jeans & a denim jacket,
i can still see it...
i can still hear it...
i can still feel it . . .