Introduction:

Everything I work for now is for my future,
the amazing wife that I know will ease my mind when I'm troubled
and the children we will raise together...
I will work hard to make sure they are as happy as humanly possible

I promised myself this as a young child when I have first dreamt of losing my parents.
I cried that night,
I still can remember that dream clearly
News crews lined up in front of my home
blocked off by "do not cross" tape
I never knew how they were taken
I remember a woman asking me in the dream,
"what will you do now that you're parents are dead?"
And I screamed...

My first night terror.
My father came in and asked
"what's wrong?"
I looked at him in reassurance
and said nothing and yet he insisted I tell him what had me shook.
I remained quiet in fear of the reality of the premonition
My biggest fear,
because although we fight and argue I do love them dearly
I've always planned on grabbing a pen and transcribing this feeling the only way I can
and then reading it to them
Maybe at an open mic night
if they would ever find the time to watch me one day
They deserve that much for the struggles they've been through
and I just want them to see why I love this art so much.

All my life,
I've just wanted to make an impact in some way.
Give what I can because life is too short.
There is so much other ******* in this world.
So I strive to give all that I can before I take my dying breath
because who knows maybe my mentality will rub off on someone else
and the chain will continue on thru my time.

Problem is,
I continue to put my own issues and concerns in the back burner.
And put all others before myself.
Except my family and I guess they feel neglected,
even though that's not my intention.
So as a result,
my parents think I'm a **** up
and that I'm gradually slipping down the wrong path.
They are also stuck in their "old ways"
so they think all that I do is wrong.
Rebellious and yet looking for a way back to gain approval in their eyes.

The struggle.

It's 8:37
I wrote the contents of my mind at the time
For the sake of my sanity.