My sweet baby. I prayed for you.
From the moment I could write I always wanted a girl.

The letters I would write started with;

Dear Gabby,

It’s Oct 15 and im peeing on a stick. It’s really as a joke but the longer the clock ticks to the end of the three minutes the thicker the second line gets.

Dear Gabby,

My beautiful baby girl. I found out your gender today. It’s what I’ve always prayed for. A mini me. I know it’s early but I’ve already picked out your middle name. Grace.

Dear Gabbi,

I’ve decided to spell your name gabbi. It means God is my strength in Hebrew. I’ve had so much morning sickness lately and all I want is hot Cheetos and sprite! I can’t wait to meet you baby.

Dear Gabbi,

I’ve always wanted you for so long but baby how can I protect you from him if I can’t even protect myself.

Dear gabbi,

Don’t worry sweetie mommy will figure it out. I’ve been taking pictures because I swear my stomach is already showing. My dad (your grandfather) is going to help us out.

Gabbi,

It’s Dec 21 and I’ve felt my first flutter kicks in the car. It’s almost as if you knew. I am so sorry baby. Mommy just couldn’t bring you into a world where evil was tied to you. I hate myself more than anything.

To my daughter I never knew,

It’s been a year since I found out I was going to be a mom. A year of mourning what could’ve been. Life has been lonely ever since you left and I dream of your face everyday. The evil is gone but he took part of my soul and you along with him. My sweet baby. The one I prayed for.

To my daughter I never knew.