Sometimes on nights like these,
I find reasons to hurt,
Because I think it terrifies me less if there is a reason.
If I know a cause for the effect, I can cope, I can strategize.
But to be honest, nothing hurt me today, not more than any other,
And yet I feel raw
And alien
And fragile.
There is only so much I can ask people to take care of me.
I don't refuse to out of pride-
Well, sometimes I do, but-
I refuse to on the principal that the people who can stand to feel a need like mine
Yawning beneath their fingertips like a drop-off cliff
Do not deserve to have to stand it always.
I can weather my nights alone,
And I know it.
It's not pretty, but it works,
And I have an obligation, capable as I am,
To make it work-
At the very least, sometimes.