Ok. I've cracked it.
I know what it is that attracts me to this girl and it is nothing but physical appearance, like most.
She doesn't know what my favorite color is, she never asked me what mine is.
I know what hers is, I know what time she looks at the sunsets, and at that time she texts me in
the morning. I know her eye color and what she bleeds. I know every sentiment she got
throughout the day, but does she?
Does she know what I go through and at what hour?
Does she care at least what my favorite color is, and why is it gray?
Does she care about my degree and why would I pursue a higher education to give her a good
life?
Does she really care about me?
No
She doesn't care
She cares about the way I make her feel
She cares how much I care about her needs and that's it.
So I cracked it.
This is why she loves me texting her drunk. So I can tell her how special she is, without being
special. Everyone was right. It was infatuation. But how? I am not manic. I should not be like
this. My meds are working, and god is in his heaven, so everything is good. So how. How do I
care so deeply about someone so hollow?
So I cracked it.
This is it. Even if she lies with me, even if she holds my hand, even if she tells me she likes
me…
This is my first heartbreak.
Isn't that amazing?
My first time realizing someone doest like me the way I like them.
And she never has and she never will, but this should be good.