and then there was the the idea of Then and Now

Do nothing? Do something? My mind and body is being pulled in different directions yet the only way I want to go is with you
it was harder to know the directions when you're not next to me
yet in the same room
the songs plays on

i knew that moment was cracking
some barrier broken, me looking into your face (yet not your eyes)
i felt the Two one in complete Eden and like a complete disgrace
killed and split right in two
yet i knew i wanted this i always wished for it
for years (implying you have)
my hand on your back
i moved it up and down
just to sink into the sound
oh god
how beautiful
how couldn't i tell you

but the rest of the day was
something exploding inside the night
as i felt a disconnect from earthly things
my fault, I'm sorry
my mind everywhere i walked on among the silence
and maximum volume of my thoughts
and do i love you or do i feel connected to you?

tempted by snakes and broken down by evil
living life in the veil
someone screaming in my ear:
can't you hear?
delusion or confusion (or love)
you've always been my here and i don't want to
go in the other direction no matter how satisfied i'll be
i don't want to scream about some ******* influx of dreams in the night so then drinking from the ocean i'll shoot up and bellow:
can't you see
you were supposed to save me

because perhaps i don't want to know but i don't know what i did considering that I've done something in the first place because i really haven't done anything ever