There were dreams
I had
for the longest time
dreams
of nail polish on hands
dreams
where I could be free
to sing
whatever music I wanted to sing
to shake
to rock my body
to move my hips
to sing on the top of my lungs
to be seen
to be recognized
as the star that I am
this was a dream that I had for a very long time
all throught out my childhood
where I was brought into the world
a world filled with tight religion
of nonsensical rules
where I had to mask my true self
to make the patriarchal rabbis
and my father and mother
happy
so I felt like I had to hide my darkness
my wildness
my urge to sing
in front of men
which was seen as a sin
where I come from
to shake my hips
to express
myself
and each time I get up on that stage
and sing karoke
and have people love my voice
and me feeling captivated
like I am in a different world
for when I sing
I feel ecstatic
like I could do it for hours
show people my words
show them my fire
have them feel
what I feel
it is truly
what has helped me escape
my own longing for death
that haunted me for a while

I think I am starting to see
what it is like to actually live
and to breathe
knowing that I am safe.

Sometimes
Dreams can take a while to come true
but tonight while I stood on that stage
surrounded by other women
I felt normal.

Like a woman
Returning to my wholeness
free
seen
loved and recognized
by these beautiful loving
Israeli women standing around me
screaming Taylor Swift songs
and laughing about our exes
in this space,
my childhood dreams
and my teenage dreams started to come true.