You're my addiction.
My sweet addiction.
My painful addiction.

Just as an addict never truly
overcomes his addiction,
I will never,
ever
be over
you.
But you knew that didn't you?

I'll see a light one day
and pull myself out of your shadow,
then I'll relapse.
You know how it goes.
The rekindled hope.
The fear that goes along with it,
because what if that hope leads nowhere at all?
The smiles when I get your texts
or see you come in the door.
The breath that catches in my throat
when you smile, or laugh,
or do just about anything.

Oh I could have loved you.
The things I would have done for you,
sacrificed for you-
You really don't get it do you?
You don't think you're worth it,
I've seen it in your eyes.
But I want to grab your face and whisper,
"You are worth it.
You deserve it all,
anything you want
(and I hope you want me).
You. Are. Worthy."

Tonight I'm just angry with you,
I'm fuming in my bed as a write this at 12:32.
But give me a few more weeks
and I'll relapse again-
Just back where I started.
No really,
it would be back where I started
because the thing is
(the really pathetic detail is):
I grew up loving you.
The weeks we spent at summer camp
taught me how to love a boy like you.
They taught me how to laugh
and how to live.
They taught me all about you.

When I relapse with you,
I relapse with something else too.
I relapse with scars
and tears
and of course regret.
Because isn't that always how it goes?

The world must stay in balance.
That's why power comes with responsibility,
hope with fear,
and love... with pain.

And I'm addicted to every bit of it.