that was the most turbulent, gut-eating feeling i have had in the last five years; or maybe, my mind made it so. coming from a stagnant relationship, built through years of falling apart—every possible connection is amplified, feeling anew. or maybe, i was just sad. i let impulse run my mind, i let delusions eat me, i let my heart decide—all of it to end abruptly, in a torrid snap.

"it's fine, it's only been five days," i said, with bitterness and gratitude gritting through my teeth. spare teenage hormones and angst filling the chat. my replies were not rational at all. "maybe we're just sad and ****", you said, quoting my pretentious nonchalant words.

"it's fine, but why did you have to lead me on like that?" and i pressed send, only to find out i was already blocked.

you didn't have to take me out, watch the sunset with me, or even hold my ******* hand, or be the most fictional character to ever grace my life. you didn't have to outdo all of the dates i've ever been to. i was vulnerable, too kind to spend a whole monday with you. you said you were obsessed with me—but dropped me like that hot chicken wing.

"i loved the idea of us", you said, but probably not with me.