tummy aches

& bad dreams.

lightning storms

& rolling thunder.

blankets piled high

& frost-nipped toes.

fears yet to be discovered

rational or irrational?

nightmares of obsessing over what to wear

meanwhile you aren't thinking of me . . .

night terrors of overthinking myself

but your parents don't like me after all.

i wake up

i wake up

wiping a warm tear from rolling down my flushed cheek

& i am relieved

but proceed with caution now . . .

these are the bad dreams that are far more frightening, because they feel far too real. . . far too possible. . .

i sit up & get a glimpse of my clock as the moon watches me, bold & bright, from it's place in the vast indigo sky, staring right at me, wishing it could provide any kind of comfort but knows it can't.

the night is slow & still too young,

but i hope that it's okay that i am thinking of us . . .

so much that has yet to unfold

& we said we have all of the time in the world,

we said there's no need to rush,

but darling i feel the urge to let you know

that i want us to last

i want us to last

i want to have something to hold

something to fight for

something to protect

something so soft but so sure . . .

& i know it's been a while

but i want something real

something honest

something unbreakable

something resilient

darling, i want to bounce back stronger with no one else but you . . .

i've done my time

i've payed my dues

i've looked for years & found what i want

what i need

what i desire

& then you stopped by

just to say hi

& changed the way i look at everything . . .

i've had my days

i've changed my ways

from parties & plays

to long dreamy summer days . . .

i've had my expectations

i've had my demands,

i've had my moments & mistakes

my passions & pitfalls . . .

i lost myself

in order to come back to a stronger & perpetually evolving imperfect version,

always simultaneously a

work in progress

and a

mastermind masterpiece

an effortless work of art that dove straight through endless golden summers full of pipe dreams & rose-colored lenses

to falling straight into the arms of seemingly endless rainy gray days full of melancholy, pining, & heart aches . . .

i've served my sentence

i've asked my questions,

but most importantly i've gotten my answers.

every last one of them, but you . . .

i just need to know now darling, am i the something you want too? . . .

can i be your everything, nothing more nothing less? . . .

& if you say yes, would it be the truth & nothing but the truth? . . .

darling, can i be yours & you be mine,

constant & 'till the end of time? . . .

i'm ready to risk it all

& take the fall . . .

to trust you & put my heart on the line,

to be yours & make you mine . . .

i'm willing to put it all in the past,

so darling, please tell me

do you want us to last?