Thanks for being such a great friend.
No, really, I mean it.

Thanks for being so great
That I spend all my days off
And never see you.
Even though I took them off
To see you.

Thanks for watching football games
For six hours after they're over,
Always too busy to hang out.
Always too busy to listen.
Always too busy
To tell me you're too busy.
I wouldn't want to waste your time.

Thanks for going out to dinner
Without ever inviting me.
You didn't think I wanted to go,
That's very considerate.
I must be special.

Thanks for never calling me back,
Or even a single message
To say you can't show up.
Saving my phone battery,
That's very kind of you.

Thanks for being somewhere else
When you told me you were free.
I didn't make plans or anything,
No harm done.

But most of all,
Thanks for showing me
How important I am
By ignoring me
For weeks at a time.

Same time next week, right?