one part of me goes - what does it matter? why does it matter? this is who I am, this is what I look like. this is me beside you in the morning, barefaced, this is me dressing up for you in the evening, eyeliner, lipstick, the works. these are both me. think what you will, say what you will to your friends. it can't affect me. I don't exist outside of that.

but another part of me goes - I want you to like me. I want you to care. I want you to think about me. I want you to stay. I want you to be okay with my presence. not everything is a means to an end. I care so much it hurts.