before

i couldn't wait to see you,
you made the noise turn into sound,
you made the murky water run clear

the possibility of having you,
the plethora of simultaneous emotions
crumbled & simplified to one:
happiness.

everything i once denied
i openly addressed,
i was free, i was flying
& no longer depressed.

i won't say i miss you
because i don't want to make
you feel uncomfortable
or make it awkward between us,
but "we can still be friends"
you said.

after

i don't look for you anymore,
and now the sound has turned into music,
because i deserve to dance
even if it's by myself.

my river runs clear,
it's roaring & pouring itself
out and into the open milky way
i once swam in every time i looked into
your eyes.

but i'm creating & naming
my own stars now,
crafting my own galaxy
out of the scars you left behind.

scars to stars,
what i wanted
was never ours.

the possibility of having you
was always just a possibility.

the plethora of simultaneous emotions,
now a complex of 2:
vigilant & content.

"i still want to hang out with you"
but not a single second
was spent...

everything i once openly addressed,
i cuff myself, i clip my wings,
once again become obsessed...

i won't say i miss you
because i don't.

so don't hope that i will,
because i won't.