being on my knees
begging to be slapped
peering up at faceless men
and thinking: this is what I want
actually, believing this is what I want

and I let (asked) you to do all that to me
there was some resistance, "I've not done that before."
what, slapped someone? deprived someone of oxygen?
but you did it anyway, and now you say I've ruined you

so now we're both a little more damaged than before.
"some moments I fear you are in self-destruct mode.
I like it, I hate it." you plead for me to stop this.
somehow, I wake up. and somehow, I listen.