I loved playing with dresses
wearing heels
and maybe that was the last time
that i felt that i could do so
that I could wear what I want and feel free
in that moment
because after that all I remember
is wanting to be everything  but myself
because nothing ever felt safe
to always be met with laughter and torture
whenever I would be my lovely feminine self
so I carried the wound of what some would say is gender dysphoria
but also just wanting to be anything that wasn't me
pertending I was my friend inside  ,  or an animal or a chair
just so I couldn't feel
the depth of painful rejection,
just so I could be free
now lately these feelings are here,
because I haven't felt safe
instead of pushing the feelings away
and listening to everyone else
I Am starting to listen
to the little voice
who says she wants to be free to be herself
to be powerful
to be strong
to be a girl
who loves dresses and is strong
for being that way
not weak
to love who I am
and to learn to embrace that
and to realize
there was never anything wrong with me
I was just brought into the world into a place with people
who could never love me
or appreciate my light
now I am choosing different
for my inner child and for myself.
Now is the time to choose power
to choose strength.
But most of all to choose love
to choose to love all of me
and that I never needed to long to be someone that I am not.
I alone have the power to change my life
and to save myself in the end.