I went to the beach today
I felt glimmers of hope
of presence of moments
without pure self hatred
moments of peace
moments of self love
its like watching myself slowly emerge
from a deep mountain of sht
that kept me locked up for so long
I am really trying to be patient with my progress
while healing from more than one addiction
chronic pain and complex post trauma ,
I always reflect why do I have to heal from so much
and to withstand so much terror in my life
more than most people I know my age,
or older.
It always come back to people
who have large amounts of pain
have a big purpose in this life
to help others heal through
and emerge from their own hells
I feel this is why
and it helps me get through days,
because many days it feels really hard still.
I reflect on the small things because it helps
and writing helps keep me sane.