You call, but the only answer is death -
Dripping from my fingers is the blood
You so badly wish I would shed.
You stand above me, towering,
Looking down at the mistake you made,
Then demand it tear another wound open,
For your bloodthirst can never be clenched.
How could it be when your calling is pain
And your mistake is too great to live and let live
And it has just the nails and just the skin
To tear into itself with unwavering guilt
And it knows all the reasons it has to die,
So eager it shall be to do so.

Even porcelain cannot break itself,
So you take into your own hands my fate
And you force my nails back into my wounds
So they may never truly heal.
You wish I would die to my own bloodied hands
So you don't have to wait until I bleed out,
But I beg for mercy to other gods
And leniently they provide it.
It's unfair for this wretched soul
To be allowed the air it wastes
When so many more worthy of it die -
It shall suffer for their loss in full.

Let my blood mark every moment
I suffer for all I've committed by being
Human - imperfect, flawed, inconsistent,
A birth of rights and wrongs alike.
May my wounds never heal to atone
For the sin of breathing the same poisoned air
All who live and die on this planet
Breathe, without exception, from sinner to saint.
May I be burned for seeking clarity,
May I be torn apart for wishing for peace,
May my every step lead further down the abyss
For wanting to be allowed my own thoughts.

If I die, will you be happy? Will that be enough?
Will that fulfill my side of the contract I never signed?
Is there anything that could ever be enough for you?
Can I ever be in enough pain for you to be satisfied?
How could I be when I continue to breathe
Despite your clear efforts in stopping me -
How could I rest as long as I'm alive
When every second I'm polluting this earth?

You glare unwaveringly as I shake with sobs -
I deserve the pain, I deserve the tears, I deserve it all,
I deserve for my thoughts to never quiet again,
I deserve to die and I deserve to suffer,
I deserve no mercy and I deserve no rest,
I don't get to have anything to make it hurt less.
Everything matters but what can be good,
Everyone matters who wants me dead -
He cannot heal me for fleeting moments
If you don't allow him to matter.
None of his words can be confirmation
If none of them are heard -
Not for a moment may I believe
Any part of me is forgiven.

I hope when I die, you suffer with me.
I hope in my last moment you feel panic.
I hope when I die, you feel my joy
Before you disappear at last to the abyss.
I hope when I die, it's only him on my mind,
I hope he holds me and tells me it's alright,
I hope I fall asleep in his arms my last time,
I hope he forgives me for letting go.