Be sweet to me and I’ll return the flavor. Why don’t we buy a cabin in Colorado? Don’t love me out of mercy, and don’t make me have to run. Best of things don’t come easy, and if they do it spoils the fun. But I don’t want fun. I’m looking to get wed, not wet. I’m trying to get by, not high. I wish that it was easy, not hard. I’ve fallen in love way too many times and it hurts more every time I do. Maybe when I find the right one I won’t have to fall again and bruise. Why fall when you can rise in love? Why don’t make it easy? Can we sit down and choose the color of our fence? Can we laugh at stupid people together? Can we feel like God’s top priority for a day or two? I wanna look down on you looking at me from the bed. I have enough problems of my own, but I’ll find room for yours too, and isn’t that ******* beautiful? I had a dream that he ****** me in the backseat of his car and that’s as close as we got to being a couple. I ran away from him but I felt godawful. But that’s what I had to do. (That’s what I had to do, right?) Now I’m walking over ridges and through valleys somewhere high in Colorado. I’m looking for a spot to build a cabin as part of some dumb personal bravado. I have nothing to prove to a single soul except my own and I’ve been contemplating lately whether I’m temporarily lonely or whether I’m ready? Someone wise told me once that when you catch feelings you fall like dominoes, and that wise someone was me, cause I have. I’m my best confidant, but lately I’ve been contemplating whether I’m just desperately needy to be loved or whether I’m finally ready? I’m in a dead zone for cellphones, in between two peaks of Colorado mountains. Here I’ll build my cabin and watch television with old Hollywood actors. But I won’t be doing that alone. I’ll let him choose the color of our fence, we’ll stand beside it holding hands. I’ll take the risk of having to run for the hills again, I’ll be quite already there. I’ll bring him shade in the summer, heat when waters freeze. It all sounds so easy. I’ve fallen in love so many times and it hurts like throwing yourself off a cliff in the mountainy Colorado. But why don’t we rise in love? Why not make it easy?
Poem #13 off “Divine Providence”
I wrote this poem while listening to “My Secret Place” by Joni Mitchell. I imagined myself running away from my feelings in the mountains of Colorado and wished it was all easy.