i wish
i could be as sleek, as slim,
as wanted
as the cigarette you slip into your mouth

alighting the chemicals
letting them heat up, expand and
fill your every cavity
with blessed calm

i wish i could be the cancer
that lurks in your lungs

you'd breathe me in
and hold my every note
until the last bubble of oxygen
left your chest

i wish i could burn down to the last
loving drag you take, the satisfying
exhale as gravity claims my ashes.

i wish i could give you everything you wanted
right in that moment; but that would make me
disposable.