May 2023
I had to walk away from you.
I was fearful of what you were offering,
perhaps because you offered it once before,
that this time, I could not make myself accept,
that there was a possibility that you had changed.
You came promenading into my life,
turning it upside down, condemning me to become
an ocean of every single emotion, that I had padlocked
away, promising me, that this love was unlike any other.
And it was. Jesus Christ! I fell so fast! In a blink of an eye, I had surrendered everything that was me, to you.
I found myself wading in the deep color of your eyes, sinking in the depths of what you gave me.
I let you pour your broken pieces on me like rain.
I let your broken promises seep into my skin.
I let your lies intoxicate me, until I was so drunk on you,
that I did not know who I was...
It wasn't enough for you. I gave you the parts of me so dark, that they tainted the remaining light in my body.
I bound my trauma and put it in your hands, because you said you could make it seem, like it had never touched my body, or soul.
I handed you my trust, my love, my ego and my selflessness, just to watch you put it on the shelf collecting dust, your ignorance and abandonment.
You left me on my knees in the dark, begging for scraps of you.
I became less of a person, waiting for you to love me.
I watched you, shut me out of your life, no glimmer of hope, with no return in sight.
You kept me locked in your shadows, hoping that I had not recognized that you, you simply found another.
The prison that I was trapped in, began to fill with water, and I couldn't bother to save myself, because I had thought, for only a split second that you would come back and save me.
You had the key in your hand. I watched from the bottom of the darkness as you tossed it away, and me along with it.
It was only when I kicked my way to the surface that I realized that you were never really there.
You were a figment of the pain that I sought to control but couldn't get ahead of.
You were my dark fantasies and secrets, flashing out in the open for all to see.
I created you, because I couldn't love me.
I sought you out because I couldn't control my pain.
I clung to you because you were made of the same dark material, as my soul.
In the end, it wasn't me that wasn't enough for you...
Your darkness was never enough to drown me.
I was fearful of what you were offering,
perhaps because you offered it once before,
that this time, I could not make myself accept,
that there was a possibility that you had changed.
You came promenading into my life,
turning it upside down, condemning me to become
an ocean of every single emotion, that I had padlocked
away, promising me, that this love was unlike any other.
And it was. Jesus Christ! I fell so fast! In a blink of an eye, I had surrendered everything that was me, to you.
I found myself wading in the deep color of your eyes, sinking in the depths of what you gave me.
I let you pour your broken pieces on me like rain.
I let your broken promises seep into my skin.
I let your lies intoxicate me, until I was so drunk on you,
that I did not know who I was...
It wasn't enough for you. I gave you the parts of me so dark, that they tainted the remaining light in my body.
I bound my trauma and put it in your hands, because you said you could make it seem, like it had never touched my body, or soul.
I handed you my trust, my love, my ego and my selflessness, just to watch you put it on the shelf collecting dust, your ignorance and abandonment.
You left me on my knees in the dark, begging for scraps of you.
I became less of a person, waiting for you to love me.
I watched you, shut me out of your life, no glimmer of hope, with no return in sight.
You kept me locked in your shadows, hoping that I had not recognized that you, you simply found another.
The prison that I was trapped in, began to fill with water, and I couldn't bother to save myself, because I had thought, for only a split second that you would come back and save me.
You had the key in your hand. I watched from the bottom of the darkness as you tossed it away, and me along with it.
It was only when I kicked my way to the surface that I realized that you were never really there.
You were a figment of the pain that I sought to control but couldn't get ahead of.
You were my dark fantasies and secrets, flashing out in the open for all to see.
I created you, because I couldn't love me.
I sought you out because I couldn't control my pain.
I clung to you because you were made of the same dark material, as my soul.
In the end, it wasn't me that wasn't enough for you...
Your darkness was never enough to drown me.
