things at home have been getting stressful
when my dad walked in on me hitting that ****
i was afraid but not because he caught me red handed
but because i never felt anything
its like the "silence is loud" type of thing
or whatever the ******* refer to it as
"its disgusting to see such a young girl that high, sis on you!"
and he storms out.

i never mentioned where i've been getting my supply from
nor do i plan on discussing it
my mind just cannot slow down
its the one thing, then its the next
falling this deep in solitude
that my loneliness isn't even subtle anymore
i think i've lost my mind
i wake up trying to enjoy life
i smile
trying to make myself feel better
even though i'm faking it
but its just not happening

it becomes dreadful and dull
not being even the slightest
sexually interested in someone of the opposite gender
nothing interests me
as much as how interested i am in knowing
where'd all my ***** go
i gave so many
man i'm just swimming
is it even healthy to go through life;
something so precious and beautiful
thinking its disgusting and meaningless?
its like being in high tide
the waves catch you unexpectedly
crashes you down
throwing you around
smashing your head against him
showing no remorse
making you its *****
and you'd allow him
don't let your thoughts wander
stay focused
or else you'll panic, forgetting
to stay calm enough to relax and
just breathe
getting upset in facing defeat is dumb
the tide won, and you allowed him
the ***** life intentionally takes you to be
is astounding.