How do I even start, and where do I begin?
What differs between then  and now?
How does one get caught between
Space and time? or prioritize death over life?,
Or Must I blame the monster in the mirror
Or sympathize with a broken boy in the interior
Must I speak my mind or try to filter
How do I put together sugar-coated words,
But be as straight as a double edge sword?

I am stuck between love and hate and
Conflicted between peace and pain,
Convicted without having gone to jail,
A prisoner in my own mind and a slave
Of my own forever active brain's madness  or
insanity to bring about unto the careless world clarity
or give sense of life in this soulless body of mine
or come to terms with the realities of  this uneasy life
Or reach for uncertainties of next one?

How can one book promise us to reap according to our deeds
but also curse the sons according to their father's sins
Do I live life without  meaning or avoid my past and still be me
Do I accept my circumstances as they are
and face my challenges as they come?
Must I choose  myself  all the time, or
Consider the casualties in the war between
myself and I?

Must I look for a silver lining in every dark cloud
Shall I wait for the dawn in every dark  night
Or Must we live in faith and hope for a brighter
dawn after dusk
Must a wait for a miracle to settle  the dust
Must I patiently wait  for invitation to the afterlife
or Must I make the most out of the current  one?

I am lost between two worlds of kindness and bitterness
I am caught between blame games and wilderness
I can easily maneuverer if I was heartless and careless
I can easily take the pain or indulge in my numbness
Must I know the book of psalms by heart or pay tithes  
Must I drown the sorrows in the palms  and wines
For tigers don’t  cry, but what a man without  emotions or tears
How does one win the battle of life without conquering their fears?

I guess I’ll  find the answers one day,
I will keep my fingers crossed,
but for now I am still Conflicted.