you rest on my lap
circle & still like the moon on a pond

you're warm & soft
your innocence reminds me of my own

digging out some forgotten place
in my memory
where i am thoughtful & loving & young
wanting nothing in return

my heart aches because
how was that me?
how are you so soft?
when did there become a difference
between then and now?

how is it that i hurt for my young self
forgotten after school
with two melting ice creams
dripping down her fists
as she waits alone for someone
to remember to take her home

since when did i start blaming myself?
since when did i stop?

you stretch & press your sweet flat head
against my thigh
your fur sprays out like a thousand strokes
from an artist's favourite brush

i hold you in my lap like a relief
you bring up long forgotten memories
with your uncomplicated love
& i remember how being shown love
can be painful
in a complicated way

you twitch in your sleep
& apparently so do i
& as i write i cry
& i know you can neither write nor cry
yet we are the same for sometimes neither can i.