I've lost myself in search of you
Your words keep me up at night
Looking at my phone, wondering why I'm not enough
I never wanted to give you a chance
But my friends convinced me to, so I did
and for a while it was good, golden
We became close fast.
Fast forward two months at a party
We're all drunk and you won't leave me alone
Your words echo in my ears
"Im only your friend cause you are friends with _"
I'm trapped, you tell everyone near us the same story
I shut down, I don't want to cry, I didn't like you to begin with
So why do I care so much
I don't talk to you the following days, I need to get away from college
I go home, my friends yell at you, you apologize?
'cause after all you were "blacked out"
you don't remember saying it, but I remember ever detail
I can't hold a grudge so I take your lame excuse and tell you we're fine.
two weeks later you want to hang out, I'm bored so why not
You come to my room and now my favorite movie I can't stand to watch
But, I stay your friend, I can't explain why
I should hate you, but I can't
Semester break comes and goes with nothing but a few words spoken over the entire month
"are we good"
"why wouldn't we be?"
After all you let him in your room
You invited him in
You never said no
It all goes silent
First party back you black out
The next day your friends tell you how he was holding your hand,
Kissing your neck, and telling you, you can fix him
I hate him, but I don't
I want to fix him, but that's not my job
I'm barely 18, he's 20
I avoid him for weeks scared of what he might say
But next time we talk he says he was "blacked out"
It's starting to sound over used with him
but here we are six months after we first met and I still can't hate him