Feb 2023
I saw his face
As I encountered one of my enemies,
and I told him with pride and with so much anger inside me
"I know what you did to me
last night on the porch
and I will tell everyone ,
until you get punished.
You will know how to properly treat a woman."
As the boss of the hostel
spat words in my face,
as he blamed it on me.
I knew again
what it was,
my body,mind and soul remembered
that it was just like
when I went to the police stations
for the other men who had hurt me and violated me
and how noone cared , how they told me
that I was messed up, how they treated me like I was
a ***** little ****.
How I was blamed for it again and again and again
how the inner child ,the inner girl inside me
was drowning in so much pain ,
bleeding from the pain and humuliation
that burned so much,
when the abuse burned me so much ,
that I had no where to stay and no one to talk to about it,
and I thought I would die inside and outside.
All I wanted my whole life was to be safe.
So again I ran...
I ran away from,
the toxic religion that I had left 3 years ago ,
that politely taught me
and not so politely lied to me
that if you were modest you were safe,
or that the way you were treated was based entirely on you .
Than I ran away from my country ,
ran away to a new country
ran to different people
who pertended to be my friends
while really they were just lighting me more on fire
with their pain and mistreatment.
I ran all the time from myself
because it was something,that I was good at,
cause I didn't want to face
the little baby inside,
who had been betrayed
by her own tribe.
:
I would love to dream of a world
where my daughter never knows what
****** assault harrassment or **** is
where she has loving parents
where she is loved and celebrated for the light that she is
where she is allowed to eat as much as she wants
where all of her quirks are seen as "normal"
this should be the basics
and this is what I wish I would've had.
Now I will give this to myself
and be my own mommy.
I will break my family's horrible patterns of abuse
and I will take my future back.
As I encountered one of my enemies,
and I told him with pride and with so much anger inside me
"I know what you did to me
last night on the porch
and I will tell everyone ,
until you get punished.
You will know how to properly treat a woman."
As the boss of the hostel
spat words in my face,
as he blamed it on me.
I knew again
what it was,
my body,mind and soul remembered
that it was just like
when I went to the police stations
for the other men who had hurt me and violated me
and how noone cared , how they told me
that I was messed up, how they treated me like I was
a ***** little ****.
How I was blamed for it again and again and again
how the inner child ,the inner girl inside me
was drowning in so much pain ,
bleeding from the pain and humuliation
that burned so much,
when the abuse burned me so much ,
that I had no where to stay and no one to talk to about it,
and I thought I would die inside and outside.
All I wanted my whole life was to be safe.
So again I ran...
I ran away from,
the toxic religion that I had left 3 years ago ,
that politely taught me
and not so politely lied to me
that if you were modest you were safe,
or that the way you were treated was based entirely on you .
Than I ran away from my country ,
ran away to a new country
ran to different people
who pertended to be my friends
while really they were just lighting me more on fire
with their pain and mistreatment.
I ran all the time from myself
because it was something,that I was good at,
cause I didn't want to face
the little baby inside,
who had been betrayed
by her own tribe.
:
I would love to dream of a world
where my daughter never knows what
****** assault harrassment or **** is
where she has loving parents
where she is loved and celebrated for the light that she is
where she is allowed to eat as much as she wants
where all of her quirks are seen as "normal"
this should be the basics
and this is what I wish I would've had.
Now I will give this to myself
and be my own mommy.
I will break my family's horrible patterns of abuse
and I will take my future back.
