Its like a shattered heart
the mess drains everywhere
infiltrates into everything
covered like mud
covered in blood shacked
blood stained
mired  veins
it drips
;
my nature that was once
so sacred to me
like a shelter
is now muddled too
with the  same pain
with the shame
of ****** assault !

I've been through it so so many times
yet after each time I shudder
violently
as if to  ask myself
but why ??
why how could you ??!!
cause me and others
so much pain
so much horror
and trauma
that the soiled faces of all those
who have betrayed me
and hurt me
come up
unfiltered
in my memory bank
but I feel afraid to feel them
yet see them
because the pain
I feel
puts everything at stake
so I hide it from everyone
even myself
pertending that I am okay
but inside ,well not really
especially not when it comes to this!
I would love to know true love
without abuse or terror
and I am still waiting for that
and I won't ever give up !