i'm so afraid of being replaced in people's lives that if they do replace me
(and they always do)
i will deny it and i will act as though it was my choice to push them away
i stopped texting them
i stopped sitting with them at lunch
but the only time my phone vibrates is when people are answering my questions about homework that i already know the answers to
and my closest friends to not want to spend time with me
and my parents keep saying i seem so happy and i don't get it because i cry myself to sleep every night
or i did, until the tears stopped coming and now i lay in the dark heaving dry sobs because i cannot find the strength to cry or to carry on