Can I cry yet?
Leering behind my eyes, down my throat,
falling to my feet, filling me.
They get so heavy,
I can barely pick them up,
My legs like cinderblocks.
I have to keep moving.
Things to do,
People to see,
Obligations to keep.
Don’t hug me too long,
Don’t squeeze me too hard,
For fear it all comes bursting out.
The levy might not hold!
Don’t look me in the eyes.
Don’t gently stroke my hand.
Don’t say something soft.
Don’t dare penetrate.
For even the smallest of cracks might send these salty waves over the edge.
I must wait.
Alone alone alone
Wait to be alone.
Wait.
Weight.
Don’t share the weight.
When you’re in the shower maybe then you can cry.
Convince yourself it’s just the bath water running down your face.
Not a break.
Just a momentary escape.
A little crack in the ****.
I have to hold it in.
The big wave hasn’t crested.
If you let it out a little bit at a time-

Time
Time
Time
Just a little more time.

- maybe it won’t hurt so much when it all inevitably comes bursting through, breaking me to pieces.
How will I recover? Who will I be? Who am I now carrying around this grief? How will I survive?
The reaper comes for us all.