my handwriting felt alien for years
like a second personality
handling the fingers
one that goes by the book
mentioned in nooks
not for their looks

this nook filled with dancers
look at their robotic moves
twitching arms in the air
displaying shiny greasy hair
ignoring good posture gives flair  

a sweaty notion notes down
behind armpits leaving stains
creating circular patterns
on vertical- lined tank tops
showing more top than tank

not to be one of them
my narrative of smelliness
gets compliments
its full of hormones
looking all harmonious
and binary friendly

walking to the bathroom
to dry them off
uncontrollably ejecting
was a lot
nobody should notice them
or talk to me

babbling over my tiresome ears
my piercings feel heavy
earlobes start protesting
over a nobody's qualities
their highly highlighted fidelity
to their equally phony others  

trying hard not to take it all in
I whisper in my head
-yes that is a thing-
you can kiss my fluffy ***

fluffy pillows spread in dorms
look too neat
after a party comes at rest
I will keep scanning it
I scatter myself finding you

lets get caught arguing
over abstract world events
war stories of 7 stitches on my eyebrow
invasions of  pink bike wheelies
and the pasta fiascos circa 2009

no dialogue could do
you had a stichomythie going
scattering my friends to have you alone  
was brilliant brains' move
but here comes the big curls  

girl with curls butting in
curls are all over your pictures now
your next trip is Sweden
and your new cuddles last all night
******* over thermal mattresses
looking outside your ranch
it's snowing and inside
she is glowing

If I were to do that with you
I wouldn't let you pay
cause we pay in turns
I wouldn't keep you up
to protect your swollen eyes
cause we exhaust each other

I would gift you more than words
I made sure you had your fill of them

not the big ones I never give away
let them nest in my old heart
cause to utter them would mean
bringing them upwards

to my tongue and mouth
close to my brain
made out of cynicism and bane
you and me can only cause pain

dreaming of our talking
hoping you love me still
you always said you will
lately your face can't mean it

sorry I can't really afford trips often
and it's okay you have forgotten