the idea of who she is
who she will become
is so rose colored it’s blooming, bursting from its seams
she becomes home, comforting, softens me
she loves me conditionally, that condition being that neither of us turn out to be mean inconsiderate sadistic cold people
she is as kind as i always wanted
she says things i am too afraid to, but should
she holds me when i don’t have it in me to ask
she is intuitive
she is controlled and calm, patient, and listens earnestly
she lets me help her and gets when i do isn’t from a place of resentment or spite or desperation
she really does not mind all the messages i send, finds them endearing, and she replies
she wants me to stay in bed when my alarm goes off, sometimes does the dishes i left in the sink because i was running late since i caved and i stayed in bed with her
she is capable of interrupting my intrusive thoughts
she grabs me as i go to leave and pulls me in for deep, soft kisses
she dances, gracefully and unhindered
she makes me laugh effortlessly, her humor reflects mine
she laughs with me, and at me, lovingly
she grabs me, swiftly and kindly, when i am not okay
she tells me she will never leave (and in this hypothetical dream she never does)
she makes me feel secure, she never gives me butterflies because i don’t worry how they see me
she surprises me
she travels the world with me
she lets the dog out when i can’t
she gets me to go outside more, i do the same
we balance cleaning and cooking and laundry and bills
she leans into me
she holds me when we are waiting
she reminds me to lift with my legs and not my back
we eat meals together and if we can’t it is okay because we know we will share space later
she shows up
she knows when to dig deeper and when to step away, and reminds me when i should do the same
she remains the “most attractive person in the world”to me when we both know there are definitely more conventionally good looking people
she’s my person
she let’s me put her to bed and in the shower when she had one of those days
she shows her real self to me, she doesn’t hide and makes me feel seen
she looks good regardless of the lighting, the time, the clothes, the weather
she catches me staring at her
she embraces me in every form of the meaning
when she is thinking too hard she lets me in
she lets me grow with her rather than away
she lets me talk a lot, and not at all when that’s what i need
she is levelheaded enough to forgive herself, and i do the same, and when we have a hard time doing it on our own we have each other
she isn’t mad when i tell her she needs to see a therapist
she lets me pay fairly
she genuinely takes my suggestions and she tells me when they’re not good ones
she grabs me in her arms and chuckles when my clumsy self runs into things…and over things…and around things, then she rubs the aching soon to be bruised spots on me
we know when we’re in it