when the numb feeling settles in and
i don't wake up to any of my alarms anymore
when dinner is after ten pm or not at all
i find myself wondering if i'll ever actually succeed at anything.
am i the fool for letting myself trip face-first into this
downward spiral?
i walk around with a blank expression
but i'll still smile when i catch your eye,
because if you worry i feel guiltier than normal.
what if i die and nobody remembers my name, my story?
what if i make nothing of myself, finish nothing?
what if my life ends up meaningless, and this suffering
wasn't worth it?